Are you game for Uno LIFE?

I have to blog about this, I have to blog about this, I have to blog about this!

Met up with Sophia and Karen and OMG found out that Karen's gonna be my dance instructor once again!

I knew Singapore is small but didn't know it's THIS small!

This confirms once again I shouldn't be whining when I'm faced with setbacks. Nothing/no one except myself is keeping me from moving on. I thought I've lost the spiritual link with music just because I can't continue lessons at MF. Just when I've pulled myself back again, unexpected surprises came. :)

Actually I don't really have good impression of CC lessons because I've tried taking up guitar classes and the Malay instructor was just spending half the lesson time fine-tuning the keys for each student EVERY week. That made me think that it isn't really possible to get quality learning from CC. So you just gotta lose something to re-see things clearer.

This time was because I just wanted to keep this musical contact in myself going so I listened to mama's recommendation and signed up at the CC. When I saw the schedule list, I was half persuaded by the sight of the name 'Karen', thinking that maybe it's just fate that I can learn from yet another Karen. Then today I realised it's the same Kakakaren. ^.^

Now I ridicule my act of ridiculing at my mama's 'naive faith' in "all Karens are my same friend". 엄마 내가 잘못했다. Perhaps I should learn to believe simply. Things really do happen for a reason and it's not up to you to create or avoid.

I thought I was facing quite a number of obstacles in this pursuit of musical link with my soul. First was how I followed Xueling Laoshi out of MF, then back into MF meeting Huan Jie, after which was how I followed Ash out of MF, then back into MF meeting Karen... Every change of situation sets me wanting to put the past behind and start 'anew', but ultimately I would always be made to live with it. Ok, whatever past is all part of me. I should never think of throwing anything of that away for I should learn to live on with it. 과고를 가지고 잘 살아. 過去を持っていながら活きていく。Experiences is what make me fuller a person.

Life is really like an UNO game, the life version; you can choose to start but you can't stop as and when you like. When it's your turn, play it, otherwise you have to just watch for your turn to be skipped. My inner philosopher is at it again. Despite hiding in a shell of a physical slacker.

I've been living like a walking corpse for last semester. A new one is ahead, and I shall embrace it once again, soulfully.

\(^.^)/

yeah, im bravo!

I did something brave last week. Not that it's my first time, but it's been a year.

It's always good to push yourself to an audition, to put your mental self to a good test. After I knew from Ivan that there was the JYPE audition coming up, i told myself to forget about it and just stay home even though i did went to register online. Eventually, 2 days before the audition i decided to just go.

I had never like the thought of telling mama that im going for auditions. I don't need another pair of cold eyes telling me, "Why you among the thousands and millions of hopefuls?" To attend a school seminar was the lie to explain my early wake-up at a freaking 5.30am. Then, reached at 7.30, got my number 1274. No la, the first on that day started from 1100, so it was just a virtual thousand odd infront of me. Lol.

While queuing, i gotta know this male acquaintance, Alson, who was trying audition for his first time. He was going to sing Korean song too, by DBSK so i felt kinda relieved that i wasn't alone, muahaha. He's a character whom I thought was cynically funny. He asked alot of amateur questions like "eh you don't need to practise meh? what if your voice cracks later? what if you forgot your lyrics suddenly?" I've learnt the Way of positive thinking so i just told him lightly "well, then too bad lo." But isn't it just life? What can you do if things really happen in a certain way despite all your efforts to prevent? Because past experience told me too much practice beforehand makes my voice hoarse and dry so I've learnt to trust myself that my voice can do it.

On the other hand, infront of me was a local who grew up in America. Quite a good looking fellow with confidence that came along with his American slang. LOL. I like his attitude when he said "im old for such stuffs, already 25! but just doing whatever i want while i still can." His words reminded me that i was right to turn up. Doesn't cost a cent anyway~

Waited until 10.45am, went in 10 in a row, and one by one took turn to step forward. We got to watch the previous 10 people taking their turns to sing. I like this arrangement of going in together for it gives a reassured feeling that you're not really doing this alone. Plus, if you see people doing not so well, you tend to gain a little more confidence. Especially after seeing a few among the previous 10 singing in muffled Korean made me feel gratified for the useful Korean lessons at CLS. :P

I can proudly say that I wasn't at all nervous, and my voice didn't wreck due to anxiety. It seemed that i got the longest singing time- from verse to the end of chorus. happy~ :D Alson went after my turn, sang just 3 sentences and suddenly forgot his lyrics. T.T At that moment i really learnt what 깜빡 이저버렸다 really mean. >.< Then i recalled those questions he asked me before entering. Indeed, one shouldn't think too much for audition.

Many times, it isn't the outcome of auditions that disappoint oneself, it's often the own performance and self-critique that makes me take it real hard. This time i was really happy with my own performance. Maybe this time i had a smaller target; i just wanna get myself heard in Korean- something that not all auditions would let you do. Frankly, i don't feel as much for Mando Pop as JK pop. Just nice i really had the urge to do a rendition of GNA's 꺼져 줄게 잘 살아 infront of some other ones. So just took this song with me on a 1.5hr journey to the other part of Singapore.

Having learnt the fact that i've grown to be more confident is the greatest gain this time. I know i shouldn't be whining about not being able to continue my music classes so after this try, i think i've managed to do some concrete conclusion on my mixed feelings of self-blame, devastation etc. 1.5yrs of music training has been worthwhile, even though my official learning status is still dangling at 'intermediate'.

11 Dec 2010 is the day i moved on, i'll remember.