2010年4月30日金曜日

这世界变了。。

如果世界真的会在2012灭亡,我不感到稀奇。

这地球上的人类,一天一天变得越来越疯狂了。

就连信仰都无法说服他们走向善道,一切似乎已经到了无法克制的局面。

生病的人用健康的意志生存,健康的人却用病态思想把身躯当成天大的玩笑。

如果上帝要一切重新再来,我应该会明白。

即使我有多少个未完成的梦、即使多么想用自己小小的力量做出一点改善的贡献,都弥补不了这世界的龌龊。

自以为天底下最具智慧的人类,单纯的想操控全世界,就只得让时间证明这想法的对错。

变态的从来都不是地球,是地球上的人类。

2010年4月29日木曜日

Green Eyed Monster

Have always liked Corrinne May's songs. Listening to her songs makes me feel at peace.
Would suddenly bring myself back to where i should belong.


So you say life is unfair
She's got everything you wanted
And you're not even close
To getting where you wish you could be
You want to get the commendation
Love and adulation
But you're stuck here on your knees

Are you happy, green eyed monster?
Are you happy with your place?
What's the use of being haunted?
Your story for glory
Is right there in your face

So be glad
You're an architect creation
You're one of a kind
Just stay on track
Because every cross can be a blessing
All the gifts that you've been given
Close your eyes and listen
To who you're meant to be

Are you happy, green eyed monster?
Are you happy with your place?
What's the use of being haunted?
Your story for glory
Is right there in your face

Don't feed the monster
Wasting time comparing
Lose yourself despairing
I hear it, don't ya?
Hungry for our fight

Are you happy?

Are you happy, green eyed monster?
Are you happy with your place?
What's the use in being haunted?
Your story for glory
Is right there in your face




2010年4月28日水曜日

这不是人生。。

每次到了考试期间,就会感到莫名的纳闷。

我不执著成绩,真的。一路的经验告诉我,成绩不代表成就、成绩更不是一切。

但是我没有把握,不读书就会及格。

所以一个我推动我去温习,另一个我在用一大箩的诱惑阻止自己。善难胜恶,所以我在这里打字。

我不知道要怎样才算在过最充实、最饱满的人生,但是埋头苦读肯定不是。

包袱着责任的人,不可能潇洒。但撇开责任、两袖清风,应该会遭世人臭骂。

鱼与熊掌不可兼得。两者间的平衡是我要寻找的。

原来躯壳在呼吸不算是真正的活着,能让灵魂呼吸才是真正获得生命。

但是,只要肉体呼吸多一秒,就是给予灵魂寻找生命的多一分希望。

咬紧牙关、闭上眼,很快就会过去的。加油吧!

2010年4月25日日曜日

等待下一位伯乐。。

这么快,一年过去了。

去年的现在,收到了大学的入学通知。

心情是平静的。

两年前,为了要完成在NP的日文课程、能赶在年底考取JLPT,我选择了争取提早去中国浸儒。

一切依照自己的计划前行,以为应该感到开心时,君伟老师对我说:“你要提早去中国吗?好可惜,本来想介绍你去当DJ。”

听了心情真得很复杂;很开心遇到伯乐,能被如此值得敬佩的老师提拔是一种莫大的肯定。

对任何中文系媒体科班生来说,能有高人照着进入媒体是多么千载难逢的机会。可惜,我没能争取。

进大学,应该不是个错误吧。更尤其近日“大学该不该录取理工学院生”成为了众人争论的话题,我应该感到幸运、感激对吧。

很想念君伟老师的指导,唯有他说过我尖锐的视角、敏锐的反应值得赞赏。他不像一般中文系的老师,有传统华人的阶级价值观,说话不忘顾前顾后;他对凡事的“一针见血”,令有些同学痛之入骨,又令有些同学为之看齐。

他说,媒体工作者就是要敢说他人所忌,敢做他人所偎。现在没得当上媒体工作者,我要如何把这份“一针见血”的态度化作生活上待人处事的优点?我还在斟酌。。

SY做了音乐公司宣传,前日发牢骚说一个已出道几年的艺人怎么连拍摄短短10分钟的物品介绍还要花费2小时,还要她一个菜鸟指导她该说的话。

那一天在她滔滔不绝的诉说之后,突然冒出一句:“因为上了君伟老师的课,我们才懂得如何面对记者。”很惊讶,她一直“痛恨”君伟老师对她“尖酸刻薄”的言语,但到了今时今日终于体会到了那份学以致用的难能可贵。

看来,我真的错失了一位生命中很重要的伯乐。。错过了一位伯乐,期待将来会遇到另一位。。。

我好傻。。

Yesterday, my sister asked me to join her in watching an episode of Southpark featuring facebook as the topic.

There was this poor-looking guy,Kip Drordy, who had 0 facebook friend for 6 months since the activation of his account. He kept refreshing the page hoping that people would add him as a friend.

Then I felt really 辛酸for him, still couldn't get over it even after watching. Then my sis found out that he has a facebook page and asked me to join his page. I felt happy for him seeing that he has many fans and that he's not alone.

Adding him on facebook can actually make up for the lost feeling i had.

Despite knowing that this is only a fiction, i can't help but to really feel for him as if he were someone real. But who knows such 'fiction' might exist in real life for some people in certain corners of this world.


想起小时候,妈妈买了一系列“猴子奇奇”的故事书,不厌其烦地念给我听。

有一个故事是说圣诞节时,奇奇的家庭邀了孤儿院的贝贝(乌龟)到他们家一起度过。奇奇不满父母给贝贝的圣诞礼物比自己的大份,就很不友善地对待贝贝。图画中的贝贝哭了。妈妈每每念到那里时,我都会因为觉得贝贝可怜而哭了起来。

原来我还童心未泯。

害怕在尔虞我诈、自扫门前雪的社会渲染之下,自己无形中变得冷漠。所以即使知道这些小事能让自己傻傻的泛起怜悯之心,都还是会会心一笑,因为这证明我的心没有变得麻木。

很多时候,知道自己在当下很傻,却还是想要让自己沉溺在这份傻气里。。。

2010年4月24日土曜日

原来大家都错过了

朋友写着自己不想在人生中留下遗憾、不想错过最精彩的部分。

我想起自己写过一首“错过”。现在通过这朋友发现原来自己想过的东西、经历过的事情,别人也可以一样想过、经历过。。我觉得我和她都喜欢钻牛角尖(如果她也承认的话),会为彼此勉励、相劝,但是转过身却又过不了自己那关。

可笑,我竟然要通过别人才能看见自己。我也是很不愿意让想把握的流逝掉,但不愿意又能如何?就是因为多次的努力却还是眼睁睁的看着自己想保护的落入别人手中,我才想一直提醒自己,不要过于强求。

可悲,很多曾经/现在拥有的,都是在自己最不经心的时候得到的。不是自己努力争取的,就往往不会好好珍惜。但是自己越想努力去争取的,却往往又得不到。困惑至今,还是找不到答案。

究竟上天要不要我们努力,要不要我们懂得珍惜?


错过

走过的路 有 什么 让我 欲绝难过
所有的痛 不轻易的我都能承受
予取予求 那么多
说谎时 你给的理由 让我摇摇头
对自己 说些什么


错过了 是心力冲动
放不开 手里的温热
心中掉了什么 后悔的人还是我
错过了 委屈里颤抖
回忆是脱离 的负荷
有多少 时间 挥霍快乐

一二三 往前走 不回头 是我的选择
青春是 我回不去的天空
等 一二三 分秒钟 时间滴滴答答地走
未来是 忘记你的这一刻

Admiring the nature in oneself...

Was walking in school today when i saw a girl from my tutorial class infront of me. Went up to say 'hi' early in morning but she gave a cold smile. I'm sure it wasn't me reading too much into it to get that idea; i know she wasn't at all receiving towards me. But it's not as if we're total strangers since she was sitting beside me for every lesson, commenting on stuffs to me here and there.

Then once again, something like this has to keep repeating in order to remind me that ''my friendliness doesn't pay''.

人就是这样犯贱 ;当你想当吕侗滨时,突然间他们化为狗。The more i try in achieving progress in friendships and stuffs that i do, the more im faced with obstacles.

I really think that people prefer the mystifying image of me; they take initiative in being friendly to a cool being and once they've warmed me up, they treat me with a ''原来你只不过如此'' cold glare.

But the truth is, I play my own character, cold and warm both being part of me. Don't assume your role of me on me, don't come up to say ''今天你很不像'你' '', for you don't know what then is the real me. You can't deny one that you can't define right from the start.

Maybe i should just continue in being who i am; i shouldn't care much when people think im cold. I should love and accept this nonchalance of mine. No point in compromising on myself especially when no gains are harvested.


Maybe i should learn to let nature take its course;

The harder i try for, the harder i fall.

I shouldn't let desires extend their claws,

otherwise all over my head they would crawl.

2010年4月22日木曜日

Controlling your own puppet...

I really don't mean to be an emo-momo. Seriously. I wish i could in fact be happy all the time like an Elmo. kakakaka!

Just that whenever i think of a topic, i'll expand on it and write down.

Then i had random thoughts (so unrandomly random) of how a performer desires to be on stage, and how people always want to control others. Instead of letting people pull the strings of that puppet in you, why not find out that own puppet and control it yourself..

I believe there's this 'little me' in every one; the exact figure of the ‘big me’ living inside the heart. It may be doing or enjoying the exact stuffs that the 'big me' is doing. But also maybe not; perhaps that's when we have conflicts within ourselves.

木偶

他坐在 墙角上怕没人发觉他
它站在灯光下 等待希望
「Hey 你 怎么在这 一个人不说话
我 带着你回家好吗」

它没摇摇头 没说什么 那就当作 答应了
他 想让它站在表演台上


Chorus:
男孩的想法 就跟它一样
「人多的时候
别再把我 当沉默
没有想法 的对象」

木偶的模样 比他更悲伤
突然在前方
看见了
希望 被掌声点燃

Verse 2:
在台下他和它分秒钟 想念着
在台上 灯光下 展现光芒
「Hey 你 怎么在这 一个人不说话
我 带着你回家好吗」

它没摇摇头 没说什么 那就当作 答应了
它想再次站在表演台上


Maybe that's why people say "pull yourself up!". But im not really sure if "pull up your socks" actually is in any way related. Maybe when the little puppet's socks got loosen. KAKAKA.

Call it a reference.. 黑夜

Attended a workshop by JJ's lyricist friend 张思尔,really admire his talent for writing many fabulous songs like 翅膀,会有那么一天,编号89757... Looking at him gives me hope because he's just like any other ordinary man whom you might not expect literary works to be flowing out from. Hope there'll be one day, i see my name on my idol's lyrics book. :)

张思尔said, humans like to hear 'familiarity'; nobody is gonna accept something totally new from the rest. So, musicians write tunes and lyrics with 'reference' to well-received songs. "Musicians have a 'technical term'; call it 'reference', not 'copy'", he said.

The best song would be one that is well done with good references to past songs leaving listeners a sense of 'familiarity'(without recalling what's the other similar tune), and yet a 'refreshingly new' feel.

HJ wanted me to 'reference' to 林晓培's "心动". I thought that was quite an old song, but then realised it isn't an easy task to reference a song(regardless of genre/generation) well.

黑夜

泪 走远了
沉默了
苦涩

穿过时间的我们
都变了
离开时言不由衷
忘了说你誓言太沉重
黑夜里看不到你 身影的轮廓

我的心中有谁 还记得
黑夜坚持让我 舍不得
要怎么再往回走
反正最后还是 两个人过自己的生活

抚平回忆的汹涌
黑夜吞噬辽阔月色
月儿 哭了笑了
我在 这里等着 你
还舍不得

Date of completion: October'09

Writing lyrics beats writing an academic paper because, you don't need to cite where your sources are from. KAKAKA.

2010年4月21日水曜日

The good old times~

Not long after i went mf, realised that wenhao is my primary sch classmate! It's a small world afterall~ It's really surprising to see him learning music, confessing 坦荡荡ly that he wants to be a performer.

He and I were the quietest figures in class; maybe no one would notice us because we were those who didn't utter a word during lessons. Always got this 'fear factor' in us, looking kia kia. I wonder what made us change, becoming so AA~. A common trait in us, I believe, is that our courage grows along with age. Look forward to performing with him on stage one day. :)

So he gotta know i'm writing for HJ, then i end up writing for him as well..

His tunes are quite nice... First time writing for him took me only 1.5hr because he was literally waiting for it on the msn, while chatting with me. Girls can multitask!! :D

Didnt know how to title it, but it's not important anymore since the song is not getting anywhere. Maybe some 谢谢你, as how he wanted。

Thinking back of childhood times always makes me smile. :)


Verse:
小时候 我们住在 沙堆的房子里
每天一起 玩游戏 荡秋千
陪你玩耍说个笑话 就很高兴

当时你 看着白云 说要吃冰淇淋
就连棉花糖都收拾不了你
现在给你 还可不可以

Pre-chorus:
我们 都还是不可理喻
现在起 说要你 陪我看星星
早晨三点半 好不好

Chorus:
谢谢你
oh 每一天 都是我的日记
就连一百次剪刀石头 布
因为和你 更无聊的我都 没关系

谢谢你
每一次 当我在练习钢琴
你都为我加油打气
因为是你 在我左右
都是你 让生活 变美丽

自由飞行

Had the longest writer's block; took a whole month trying to find the feel i have for the tune. Was tied up with projects and stuffs too la.. Finally passed the baton to HJ last week, and he tied up the song within a week.

Received the finished demo from HJ, time 3:18am. He might not be the best demo singer, but he definitely has the best attitude and a great deal of passion for music. :)

自由飞行

海与天 究竟能有多远
我划不清 界限
和你飞行 这 抛物线

我和你 互换消息的每一夜
说不完的话语
总藏在心里面

是你 让我相信每一秒继续
都能被心占据
这份感觉会更 坚定

Chorus:
经过遥远的 距离
翻阅你我的心情
所有的画面 编织成一部完美的电影

从今以后的美丽
让我们一起鉴定
是你让我 自由的飞行

Bridge:
你说带我走 你熟悉的街
让这感动再蔓延
灯光照亮 心中温暖
和你肩并肩一直到永远

Last Chorus:
终于来到这 一天
看着你熟悉的脸
用你给我的 温馨笑颜
走过了雨天

从今以后的 寓言
让我们一起实现
是你让我飞行的更远
是你陪我飞行到永远


Looking for someone who can bring me to greater heights.
Looking for someone whom I can bring to greater heights.

2010年4月20日火曜日

when 5+1 just cannot be 6..

Maybe I bear grudges, or maybe not; just holding on to valuable experiences and lessons to remind myself in becoming wiser.


Thought of this bunch of friends in primary school. They are always walking together in 5-bodied and even named themselves as "Foreva 5". This sounds childish, but to me it was always how sweet to share a pure and innocent friendship and that to feel belonged to a certain group apart from family. So i wanted to befriend these fun-loving people in hope of becoming part of them.


They are nice people, allowing me to join them for meals, chats and their favourite basketball gatherings even when i know nuts about playing. It's always natural for me to be closer to just 1 or 2 in a group, just like how people show favoritism towards a specific figure in an idol group.


One day, one of them came up to me and said, " i don't like your presence; you interrupt the friendship amongst us." Then to appease this girl, the rest drew "Foreva 5+1" on their hands showing that i can never be 'added' into them. That 1 is forever an intruder and some one extra. They said it'll take them time for them to accept me, maybe a while, maybe forever (for as long as they are together).


Till today, they're still tightly knitted together despite studying in different schools while i'm here, being indifferently different. No hatred towards them, just pure envy. Then i told myself, i don't have this 'fate' to be in groups. And everything takes time.


If ever relationships can be as simple as primary school maths. Unfortunately, everything has to advance, even maths. After the +-x/, there's A maths, POA etc.....

The 2 different worlds

Maybe everyone is in search of love, so whenever people see what i write, they will relate it to 'love'. I wrote this as a 'general love' towards anyone, but seems that it still turned out to be the love between couples. Weird.



两世界不痛

你的世界 容不下 同样的 以后
我的世界 容不下 一个梦
于是我们都 换上了 诚实勉强的笑容
他们说得很轻松原来一点也不同

你说还有如果 爱了不再错过
是不是完美的 结果
换作有一天能对着我
说握紧了就别放手

你说不要再说 不想一再蹉跎
放手是最美的结果
就算眼泪化作 星球坠落
我们的痛他们都不懂

就像他们的痛我们也不懂

You have your own circle, I have mine.
If we're of 2 different worlds, we'll just havta say goodbye.
Just like how you feel and how I feel is 関係ない。
Coincidentally i realised, the above actually rhymes.

Away with the wind...风画

Friends say i'm cheena. Well, i don't deny for the fact that i was from Chinese Studies. Always be proud of my roots, that's how i think.. :) At least cheena means a certain high level of proficiency in Chinese while Ang Moh Pai or Banana only goes to show you're not that good either in English or Chinese, which is a sad thing.

Was thinking if i should archive my lyrics according to the dates of completion, or just randomly until the day my collection runs out, which should be in no time to come. But then again, why do i keep getting controlled by this "disciplined, rule-abiding" side of me? So, i shall publish whatever whenever i like. kakakaka!!

Anyway, i don't intend to lie about my inexperience in love. So, it can't be true that i write everything out of personal experience since i haven't gone through any big roller coasters in life (am thankful for that). So drama is a big source of inspiration for me, esp korean ones. :D

Love the drama 바람의화원 so much that i spent my previous term break watching it twice. Then, i felt that i wanted to write some 中国风 to fit the 古装theme. Just happened that HJ has a cheena styled tune for me to fill. I insisted using traditional fonts to enhance the feel.

風畫

惆悵逆著寒風 何不令人消瘦
風月中 筆尖漫漫舞墨
那身影 婀娜 含香屡屡悠悠
默然靜賞 隱匿隨風

繞梁琴聲如夢 誰在細心彈奏
風樂中撩動月落花容
燈火闌珊之處 不該回首
回憶又化為風 入繪色

風畫中清池上的 灰塵
等著你又沉澱了 幾輪
破曉之后的清晨
還留著依人在 心疼

紅顏漸漸在風裡 退色
莫留歸來畫中的 可能
難以思念斷於墨
呼喚愉水長流
將一段 凄清的伤痕
化入風

遺憾一壇女兒紅 溶解一夜情愁
為誰再斟酌一杯溫柔
有何人

Well, spent 2 weeks doing some research on usage of olden words etc, to ease my understanding on denotations and connotations.. Unfortunately, people can't understand it, using just a word "chim" to deny the "essence" that i purposefully planted in.

Then, i realised some writings are meant to be quietly displayed like this now, and not to be shown. People either say it's superb or not that good coz too chim, but all boils down to the fact that nobody actually really understands. It's not meant to be a 'praise-worthy' work upon one glance at the seemingly 'beautiful' words. I don't know.

2010年4月19日月曜日

"Best friend" for....

Always imagining myself to be a translator for Japanese lyrics in some Japan Avex or other music firms.. I don't think there's a demand though, for such job to be full-timed. But if there really is, I really don't mind since it's a great way to stay in touch with latest J-Pop and put my language skills into good practice.

Translated BoA's "Best Friend" to show a friend cum ex-lecturer who doesn't know Japanese. Was kind of worried if he would 'mark' me down for 语法 for the fact that he's a Phd in translation, and i really believe "Permanent Head Damage" doesn't come about without a reason. KAKAKA.


Best Friend
先が見えなくて挫けそうなとき
看不见前方 快要受挫的时候
何時でも君はその笑顔で勇気をくれたよね
无论何时你用那微笑 给予了我勇气
辛く寂しいとき笑わせてくれる
辛苦寂寞的时候也会给予我笑容
君なしじゃきっと今の私いなかったかな
要不是你 现在的我一定不会在这吧
いい時も悪い時も
好的时候也好坏的时候也好
いつだって一緒だったね
不管何时都一起
離れていても(ふたりは)助け合える
即使离开(两人)会互相帮助
一人じゃないよ
并不会是一个人的

You are always my best friend
変わらずこのまま 支えたいよずっと
此时此刻不会改变 想长久成为你的支柱
I wanna be there for you
泣きたい時いつだって 側に居てくれる
只要想哭的时候你都在身旁
大切なyou're my best friend
珍惜的
君だけがmy only best friend
唯有你是

二人で過ごした思い出の日々は
记忆中两人一起度过的日子
何よりもずっと心深く刻まれている
肯定比什么都能更深切地刻画在心中
疑うことすら一つもなくて
不信任的事情连一件也没有
何より固い二人の絆で壁越えて行けた
比什么都坚固的两人牵绊的友情 能穿越障壁
いい時も悪い時も
好的时候也好 坏的时候也好
いつだって一緒だったね
不管何时 都在一起吧
長い夜も(二人なら)大丈夫
漫长夜晚都(如果两人)没关系
きっと set us free
一定会

* You are always my best friend
辛い時目を閉じて 思い出して欲しい
辛苦的时候闭上眼 希望你回忆起
I wanna be there for you
一人よりもきっと 二人が強い
比起一个人 绝对的二人会更坚强
永遠にyou're my best friend
永远地
君だけがmy only best friend
唯有你是

突然予定を変えてしまった日も
突然改变约定的一天也好
真夜中の3時に電話したときも
深夜中的3点 致电的时候也好
怒らなかったよね 君がいて良かった
都不会生气吧 你在时真好
君の優しさ忘れないずっと
你的善良 一直不会忘记

You are always my best friend
変わらずこのまま 支えたいよずっと
此时此刻不会改变 想长久成为你的支柱
I wanna be there for you
泣きたい時いつだって 励ましてくれる
想哭泣的时候 不管何时 都会给予我鼓励
大切なyou're my best friend
珍惜的


:)
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2010年4月18日日曜日

Taking my first step.. 「四季恋」

Have a couple of songs in collection that i wish to publish here for archive.. Not sure if i should publish 1 per day, all at 1 go, or just as when i like. Ya, maybe the 'lattest' kakakaka!!

It's been a great blessing to know HJ Laoshi, one who is constantly giving me many chances to work with him on his music. I'm not his student(but going to be), so it's quite amazing to see how we've built trust in each other since he could have chosen not to send me his demos for lyrics, but to send some other people who are as equally willing as me to write for him.

It started off one day when XL Laoshi was on her mc during her days with mf, and HJ Laoshi was taking over her class us. He happened to walk out of the music room talking loudly across the reception to some random student "Hey im looking for a lyricist leh!". Being random as usual, i poked in my nose and said, "Find me lah, i was from Chinese Studies. Don't play play!"

So he really took my word for it for he is one who believes in 縁 and that my 'random act' wasn't purely random. As how mama always says, "ask and you will be given".

This song was a tryout for both of us to see if our styles could match, or rather, if my style can be versatile enough to fit tunes. Looking back at this, i no longer see this as “吊”as he claimed it is. In fact, not at all. To me, that's how unsatisfying one should be in order to improve. :)

记得我们遇见的从前
那是个奇妙的春天
漫步的时候你拉着我的手
想念的终点 从不曾改变
流过那指尖 回荡的香气
直到夏天 我还 没忘记

看 这世界的变换 失恋人在游荡
我和你在一起幻想 看不见
听 秋天的叹息 弥漫在空气里
有你在身边 我们都听不见

With you 我们在 冰冷的窗前画 的笑脸
就算溶解了 也化不掉你和我的天
你说的话 总是在 我的心里悄悄地蔓延
一起守护明天 幸福地等下一个
新季节

Date of completion: sep'09

My first song 猜谜

Lyrics is such an amazing thing;the same words may appeal to some people and not to others. It actually isn't a "WOW" thing for someone to write lyrics. Basically it's like writing your own thoughts/ideas like any one diary entry just that it's formatted in a song structure.

It doesn't have to be grammatically correct or in a full complete sentence. Ramble your thoughts and suddenly you'll be glad when the words actually rhyme.

Few days back corn said that he likes writing lyrics whenever he felt emo because it's a good way to write your feelings out and cast it aside the moment the piece is completed. It's so true.

This is how my first song came about. It(or any other piece) can never be my best piece, but this definitely carries my truest feelings, without any attempt to beautify words.


想不透 为什么你会这么做
在一切没开始前就离开我
你将所有的消息都上了锁

猜不透 我竟然说得出口
那一段自以为很贴心的问候
换来的是你面无表情的冷漠

看着自己 一张让你厌倦的照片
能不能让你想起 我们曾经见过面

Chorus:
每一秒的心跳 也许都是心痛的瞬间
到底要多久 才能复原
也许你从没察觉
唯有闭上双眼 推开记忆才能入眠 (翻开记忆 你才会出现)
如果有一天 让我们再次遇见
希望你对我说
让我们回到 没开始的从前

Bridge:
你给的距离 依然是猜不透的谜
当全世界忘记 我依然想起
谁能够 将我的心 带回到平静

date of completion:jul'09

2010年4月17日土曜日

十年後の自分へ

Thinking of joining this year's Japanese Speech Contest.

Then i recalled my last year's entry, titled To My Future Self (10years time). I wasn't that willing to join if it wasn't because of 陽子先生. Really very grateful to her who helped me all the way from scratch; editing my drafts, correcting my pronunciation,supervising my recording,being present during finals to support...

Remember that day, we sat in her office watching her favourite clip- tegami by angela aki. We were moved to tears infront of the laptop. Then, i got my inspiration from the song..

I want 陽子先生 to see my improvement in 日本語this year and feel proud of me. :) I believe to a teacher, nothing beats seeing her student improve. It's been a long way since i knew her almost 4 years back, until today she's turned a mother to her new born baby boy瑠佳君. She made me believe firmer in affinity,that one day you will just meet someone whom you can really build strong ties with.

Even till today, it has never crossed my mind to let my present sensei advise me on this coming speech contest because i know no one can be as meticulous and caring as 陽子先生. I know i can't rely on people whom i don't trust or whose hearts i can't feel.

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十年後の自分へ(リン・イーシュウ)

「拝啓 この手紙読んでいるあなたは どこで何をしているのだろう 。未来の自分に宛てて書く手紙なら きっと素直に打ち明けられるだろう 。」

これは 歌手「アンジェラ・アキ」さんの「手紙~拝啓 十五の君へ」という曲の歌詞です。この曲を初めて聞いたのは日本語のクラスででした。

皆さんは、自分自身に手紙を書いたことがありますか。そして、十年後の自分を考えてみたことがありますか。

わたしは記憶力があまりよくありませんから、十年後、今の自分のことをはっきりとは覚えていないかもしれません。ですから、今の自分のことを手紙に書くつもりです。

29歳の私へ:
お元気でしょうか。今私はニーアンポリテクニックの三年生です。
今の生活は平凡で、あまり変化がありません。十年後のあなたの生活も今と似ていますか。
それなら、もっとたくさんの人と友達になったほうがいいですよ。将来はあなた次第で、変わるのですから!

家族はみんな、どうしているでしょうか。両親とお姉さんを大切に想っていますか。
もし、あなたが仕事で忙しくて、毎日帰りが遅くなっても、彼に会っている時間が多くて、家族と過ごす時間が短くても、家族が一番大切だということを心に留めておいてください。

おっちょこちょいな私は小学生の時、いつも宿題や教科書を家に忘れていました。そんな時、お母さんはいつも学校まで届けに来てくれました。ある日、お母さんはいつものように学校に宿題を届けに来る途中、足首を捻挫してしまいました。それでもお母さんは学校まで来てくれました。それからは、お母さんに怪我をさせたくないと思って、忘れ物をしなくなりました。そのことをまだ覚えていますか。

今お父さんに対して、自分自身の夢や気持ちについて正直に話すことができないでいます。そしてお父さんも私のことを理解できないと思っているでしょう。それどころか,あなた自身もお父さんのことを全然理解できていないじゃありませんか。
お姉ちゃんとの口げんかやいたずらも思い出したら,大人のあなたにはかわいいと思えるでしょう。

次は、ちょっと恥ずかしいことですが、「もう結婚していますか」と聞きたいです。もしかしたら、幸いにもお金持ちで、かっこいい男の人と結婚しているかもしれませんね。でもまだ独身なら、多分理想が高すぎましたよ。できれば、もっといろいろな男の人と友達になってみて、誰かいい人がいたら、付き合ってみてもいいですか。ずっと独身を続けたくないですから。

今、人と分かち合えないことがあります。けれども、10年後のあなたは同じ立場に立っていても、いろいろなことが 今より素直に受け入れられるといいです。

考えがちの私は 将来のことをいろいろ思わずにはいられません。小学生のときから、たくさんのことを心配し始めました。「友達がいない、どうしょう」とか「成績が悪かったら、どの学校に入れる?」とか、いつも、不安を感じています。

成長してくると、いろいろな心配事が出てくると思いますが、思いすぎないでください。いつでも自分自身に期待を持ちすぎ、何をしてもあっさり諦ないけれども、本当の「喜び」の意味をわかって欲しいです。

今まで、いろいろな夢はまだ実現していませんが、いつか 実現するように一生懸命にがんばっています。29歳のとき、夢を叶えていなくても、 諦めないで最初の気持ちに戻り、信念と希望を持ち続けてください。

もし、みなさんの記憶力も私のようによくないなら、十年後でも何か忘れたくないことを書いてみませんか。十年後、今の自分を微笑ましく思うでしょう。それに、今の自分があまり成熟していないことに気がつくでしょう。

そんな暖かい思い出を作るため、そして今、一番本当の自分を忘れないためにも自分に宛てて手紙を書いてみましょう。



Not Just Another Blogger

Wow, so i finally have a blog.

Few years back almost everyone was into this 'blogging' as if it were some ez-link card that allows you to tap your way into the 'youth world'.

I know i'm being stubborn, because i'm always consciously avoiding what the usual people are doing, as if i'm someone THAT special.

And, I like to do things with an aim; even "because I like it" can be a reason for me to start something, but not "because everyone else is doing".

Otherwise, i'll end up like some bimbo blogger who writes about daily trivialities, then goes around asking people if they had seen her blog and gets furious questioning "you never read my blog meh?". Like, why would I? I only read blogs written by good friends or simply people who write with sense.

Now i've finally found a reason to start one- store my lyrics and jot down my feelings during the moments of inspiration. Thought of this just when i was telling a friend to archive important messages online in case the laptop crashes.

Wanted to wait until my exams over and etc, but had the sudden urge to just start once and for all since i already got myself involved in group blogs.. :D

Nonetheless, i didnt start this blog to seek whatever attention from friends. Instead, i don't intend to announce to people who know me even if they ask. It doesn't matter even if there isn't any reader to this blog because i write what i like.^^

Welcome, if you ever get to know of my blog. \(^^)/